For a few years now I have taken assorted visual arts classes – drawing, printmaking, watercolour and abstract painting – in part to develop my repertoire of skills for teaching young children, but moreso to push my own creative boundaries and gain some mastery of something that has always kind of scared me.  Anyone who reads my blog knows that from time to time I write about my angst around creativity, and my fear of the blank page. I know that for me there are a lot of factors that have fed my fear and these have included: limited prior experience, inadequate art instruction in school, insufficient role models, and little social support or guidance. My issues seem to have their roots in my early environment…essentially not enough sunlight and water to help my creativity grow! I don’t mind admitting that I have a pretty loud and vocal inner critic, one determined to make me doubt my own abilities. On more than one occasion it has persuaded me to give up on things when they seemed hard at first instead of persevering, and I regret listening to it. However, the balance of power between my inner critic any my recent determination to create something, anything, with a free, uninhibited and spontaneous mindset, seems to have shifted.

“The creative process is a process of surrender, not control.” ~ Julia Cameron

This summer, while taking an abstract drawing course, I read a book I stumbled upon, called Manage Your Day-to-Day: Build Your Routine, Find Your Focus and Sharpen Your Creative Mind (edited by Jocelyn K. Glei). There are great insights about social media and how it can distract us from higher creative purposes.  The chapter on sharpening the creative mind really spoke to me.  It addresses balancing the hard work demanded by creative projects with taking time to play, relax and explore.  Engaging in “unnecessary creativity” is vital to building confidence, developing skills, expressing ideas without placing restrictions on them, and just having fun. The book talks about how listening to your inner critic, or being a perfectionist can sabotage your efforts to engage in the act of creating. Suggested strategies for  helping the mind to create include: wandering, resting, using limitations to problem-solve, exercising, meditating and considering a problem from a different perspective.  Barriers to creativity are examined. Is more research required? Would taking a break be helpful if feeling uninspired? Are there concerns about what a creation might reveal about you? Are there personal problems, or a lack of funds, time, information or social support? And - for me this is a biggie - is scheduling time dedicated to creating a priority? The book gave me a lot to think about and as I considered the ideas and even tried some, I felt my confidence increase and found another door to creative expression begin to open for me.

Of course this confidence is owed in large part to my amazing art teacher who has exposed me to all kinds of unexpected sources of ideas and inspiration for the drawings and paintings I have created.  These include: natural areas, books, historical images, food courts, underpasses, murals, cemeteries and others. All of my senses have been engaged and I have been encouraged to move beyond what I can see, and to put on paper what I imagine and feel. More and more I reach for colours and materials without second guessing myself, and make marks without hesitating.  At last creativity is blossoming and I am finding a voice as an emerging artist. Though I have a lot to learn about technique and colour theory, and how to talk about art, I am less fearful of the process of creating, of reflecting on my work as part of that process, and of receiving constructive feedback. I don’t worry anymore about my art being “bad” and instead focus on what my artistic exploration teaches me. This has been a significant part of my journey, of learning to give in to creating, and learning to just let go.

“Creative process gives me the most freedom because I can do anything I want on a piece of blank media.” ~ Sasha Pivovarova

]]> http://earlychildhoodartsconnection.ca/?feed=rss2&p=1021 1 http://earlychildhoodartsconnection.ca/?p=824 http://earlychildhoodartsconnection.ca/?p=824#comments Sun, 03 Sep 2017 20:46:45 +0000 Lullabies http://earlychildhoodartsconnection.ca/?p=824 Continue reading →]]> “Follow your inner moonlight.  Don’t hide the madness.” ~ Allen Ginsberg

Well, summer has come to an end and as the new school year approaches I find myself thinking about creativity and inspiration once again.  I have looked to various artists this summer, for new ideas and perspectives; I attended concerts at the Music Garden, special exhibits at Craft Ontario, the Art Gallery of Ontario and the Textile Museum, the Dusk Dances, and outdoor performances of Shakespeare plays.  And I have done lots of knitting this summer and read some amazing and beautifully written books.  I find as I have gotten older I have become more selective about what I feed my brain.  Maybe this has to do with the increasing realization that the time I have been given is finite, and passing quickly, and so it is important to use it well and do those things that I find most meaningful.  Maybe these days I want mainly beautiful things to be part of my process of becoming, which I view as ongoing.

One of the most challenging things I did this summer was to take a class on abstract drawing, finding inspiration and ideas by drawing in different areas of Toronto (sometimes natural venues and other times in vibrant neighbourhoods).  I think my instructor understands important things about learning goals, motivation, individuals’ beliefs about learning, and self-efficacy and the role these play in the creation of art.  Ever since I have made the decision to explore drawing and painting, I have been torn between the desire to express myself through art, and the fear of doing things badly, and wrong.  I have long been terrorized by what can best be described as a negative inner voice and I am aware that this voice can be such a total jerk.  Still, sometimes that voice trumps my desire and my ability to create.  At the end of the course, when I looked at my collected drawings, I felt I hadn’t found a unique artistic style that my classmates seemed to possess.  Though I enjoyed the process of making each piece, I suppose I felt I should have seen some kind of evolution in my work.  Yes, yes, I know this will come in time and with practise.  Like my process of becoming, this inner battle is one that is ongoing.  I am determined to keep trying.

Interestingly, while doing some reading on foundations for numeracy, the section on social and motivational influences caught my attention, and I realized that these things have as much of a role in creating art as in learning any other subject.  So, I wondered to what extent I am ‘mastery’ oriented (focused on learning through challenging myself with something I find difficult) and to what extent I am ‘performance’ oriented (comparing my performance to that of others and needing an external reward for my efforts).  I see that I am both and when left alone with a task I can turn inward, go into flow, and figure things out.  Comparing my work to others’ is an opportunity for learning, and a way to consider other possible ways of seeing and representing, and even a way to receive constructive feedback, but I admit I found it intimidating and sometimes it made me want to give up.

I think for the most part my art teacher has created a learning climate for forming mastery oriented goals.  He gives meaningful reasons for engaging in drawing and painting, and for trying to learn about and understand art.  He promotes high interest in the subject and provides opportunities for exploring techniques and materials and for practising that are an intermediate challenge.  He allows for gradual skill improvement, and always, always, arranges for novelty, variety and diversity in the learning experiences of his students.  I know I definitely have work to do in the area of internal motivation and my own belief in my capabilities.  And I must learn to see my art displayed next to the work of others and refuse to let my negative voice lessen my enjoyement of the process of creating something, even if the end result is not so great.  I have signed up once again for abstract painting with my teacher, so with this modified perspective, I look forward to seeing what happens later in September!